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I have a hard time taking rest days now that I’m so enthusiastic about my weight loss. They make me feel like I’m being counterproductive. I feel like all my hard work during the week is for not. But I know it’s all in my head, my brain playing games with me. Logically I know that I HAVE to take days off from my workouts; I know my body needs to rest and recover, especially with as intense as my workouts have been.

I’ve been mainly using my elliptical for cardio. I can kick some ass on that thing! I workout 4 days a week, with 2 active rest days and 1 full rest day. My week starts on Thursday and I do at least 60 minutes of cardio. This last Thursday I started the week out strong, burning 1009 calories on my elliptical, then Friday 825, Saturday 825 (because I’m a little neurotic and it had to be at least as much as I had burned on Friday), and Sunday 1021 calories! Holy crap! BUT, then Monday was an active rest day, which basically means that you workout, but not as hard as a typical day, so I burned 453 calories in 30 minutes. During the days that I workout I also use hand weights and do arms and legs, as well as crunches and various body weight exercises. So this last week I burned a killer 4,133 calories! I might be taking phentermine, but I refuse to let it do all the work for me. I’m strictly using it as a tool.

Today is a full rest day. I basically sit around and only do what needs to be done. I rest as much as my life allows. Being the mommy of a 7 year old and a 1 year old, rest isn’t easily come by, but I don’t do any “exercise” on a full rest day. These are the days that my brain is telling me I’m ruining it, I won’t see the scale move on Thursday if I don’t exercise today.

For me, it’s a constant battle in my head between the logical side that says, “Yes, your body needs to recuperate!” and the illogical side screaming, “Workout, you fat ass!”. It’s hard, this battle has been played out in my head many times throughout my life as I’ve tried again and again to lose weight. My logical side always wins, because in the end I KNOW what my body needs to get the results that I want, but I’m so scared of failing this time that it’s just so much harder. I want this so bad. I can actually see myself thin again. I hate having this fear of failing, of letting myself down, letting my kids down. I don’t just want to be thin and healthy for me, I want it for my kids. I want them to grow up knowing how to be healthy and what healthy looks like. I want it to be normal for them so that they never have to struggle with what I’m going through now.

I’m not giving up this time. I can’t. As far as I’m concerned, this is my last chance to get what I want and I don’t let anything stand in my way, not even myself.